Terms of Service
The shortest honest terms you will read this year.
1. The product
You are buying a novelty digital certificate and, apart from that, literally nothing. The certificate is the entire product. There is no physical item, no service, no hidden extra. This is a parody / novelty store and the joke is the point.
2. Delivery
Delivery is instant and digital: a certificate on the success page and a personalized copy by email. We have a 100% delivery record for nothing and intend to keep it.
3. Withdrawal and refunds
At checkout you expressly consent to immediate delivery of digital content and acknowledge that you thereby waive your 14-day right of withdrawal (art. 16(m), EU Consumer Rights Directive). There is nothing to return. If something goes genuinely wrong (you paid and received no certificate), contact us and we will fix it or refund you.
4. Public display
If you opt in, your display name and dedication (never your email) appear on the Wall of Nothing (Deluxe and above) or the Hall of Absolute Nothing (Premium). Names or dedications that are offensive, impersonating, or otherwise unpleasant will be held or removed. The void has standards.
5. Warranty
Nothing Premium includes a lifetime warranty on nothing. In the unlikely event your nothing stops working, it will be replaced with identical nothing, free of charge.
6. Seller
[Your business name], Venice, Italy. P.IVA [TODO].